I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
