The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
