the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
