Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
