What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
