I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
