Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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