Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
