NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
