My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
