Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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