there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
