It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
