Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
handjob tips. give me some.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
