I puked a lego.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
