You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
