i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
