weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
