I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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