i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
