I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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