now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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