well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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