Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
