Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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