forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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