Plan B is the new Plan A
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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