this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
