dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
