Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
