just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
