I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
