awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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