where am i from again
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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