People with herpes should wear stickers.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
