I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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