okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
