I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
