you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
