Me. At least after what I've been through.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
