You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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