If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
