Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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