party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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