just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
