Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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