so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
