I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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