When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
