He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
