its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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