I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
