Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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