We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
